I decided to write about the current state of K-Pop because it has always been a hobby of mine and now more than ever new groups are being homogenized ever since the rapid success of the girl group NewJeans who has proven to be a worldwide success. I rarely see online discourse about them and their creative director that I’ve agreed with and have been saddenned by the decrease of protectiveness of groups’ unique identities. Now that NewJeans in having conflict with their company, I thought it would be interesting to use them as a reference point and the changes within the industry since their debut.

I struggled with outlining this essay even after discussing it with both the professor and my brother about it. I did several outlines and brainstorming before coming up with the structure I wrote my first draft in. My first draft was written in two long sprints across two consecutive days. This draft is the one I shared with my peers for review that didn’t include any sources. I then edited twice before incorporating sources to strengthen my argument.

What I like most about my op-ed is that it takes a nuanced and understanding stance towards the conflicts surrounding the group grounding my essay in current times. I’ve seen a lot of online discourse about them but it usually leans fully supportive of them or fully against them because of their creative director. Like the op-ed about Chappell Roan, I found myself initially directing my anger towards the group themselves which was something I wanted to avoid. After discussing my topic more with my brother, I realized that my essay should be directed more towards their management as they truly had little to no say in their careers and success. I think also framing my argument in a way that expresses both my knowledge and love for the genre as a long-time fan also softens the piece a bit. One last thing I really enjoyed was the comparison to the other group. In my first outline I hadn’t considered using the other group as a point of comparison but I think it worked well in highlighting key differences and shifts in priorities that I am against. 

The peer workshop and feedback were helpful because it was pointed out to me that my thesis or main argument wasn’t as clear as it should be. My essay starts off with a personal story and I was recommended to use my thesis in the first small paragraph where that story was partially introduced. I improved my thesis by making it clearer, but placed it after my story rather than the beginning. I tried to place it where I thought it made more sense, but I am second guessing my personal story as an introduction to the essay. The feedback about my main argument was very helpful nonetheless as it still pointed out to me that my points needed organizing throughout the piece. 

I would have liked to improve both the sources I chose and the incorporation of them if I had more time. I struggled with deciding what specifically to find sources for and I’m still unsure if they truly help support my claims. I am also still unsure if my main points throughout the essay are clear even after my various edits or if it just comes off as rambling since my transitions may need some work. I think I would have also liked to incorporate any counter-arguments since the topic is relatively silly in comparison to the heavier and more serious topics being written about. I think reflecting on a counter-argument would make my piece stronger since the group I wrote about still has a very active fan-base regardless of the depth I perceive from them. Moving forward, I would like to continue practicing writing entire drafts before nitpicking them. I tried to do it while writing this essay since I mentioned that in my last essay reflection but overall I think striving for completion over perfection when drafting is my main goal. 

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